she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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