I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
