May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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