I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
