Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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