I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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