I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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