that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
