you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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