I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
