I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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