Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
