I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
