I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
