You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
