I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think im going to throw up on grandma
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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