There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
