I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
