Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
