Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
