I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
