He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
