Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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