Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
