we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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