I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im at strip club and am horny
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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