How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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