it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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