And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
