??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize