I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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