my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
