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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it hurts more in the daytime
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
