just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
