Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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