is your mom at the bar?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
