No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
