Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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