I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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