____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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