and you said cock pushups were impossible
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
