Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
