I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
