i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
