i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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