Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
