I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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