He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
