I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
