im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
