we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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