She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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