i don't like sucking hair
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
