remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
