Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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