70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
