If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
