i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
