i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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