i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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