Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
