Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
