Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
