How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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