HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
