I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
