she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
whose parrot is this?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
