What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
