Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
