im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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