it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
