help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
