We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
