i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
