Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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