this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
