the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it was like eating out sand paper
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
