Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
