So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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