imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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